27303
by Aufschrei
Summary: Eridan Ampora is fresh off the press. Just out from training. He's just joined the International Secret Inelegance Service, also known as ISIS. It's his first day. He's just gotten his first assignment. Eridan Ampora was ready for anything. Anything that is, except Sollux Captor. Rated M for sex and violence! Spy AU!
1. Chapter 1

Eridan Ampora was fresh out of training. Eridan Ampora was hot shit. Eridan Ampora had the top score out of everyone in his graduating class. Eridan Ampora was the only one of them heading to ISIS. The International Secret Inelegance Service. Eridan Ampora had a liscence to kill. Eridan Ampora was ready for this. Eridan Ampora had just arrived at the building that served as ISIS headquarters. The ground floor was under the cover of a fully functional electronics store. Eridan Ampora had arrived for his fist real day on the job. He approached the customer service desk and saw a small girl with short black hair and red cat eye glasses.

"Oh you must be Eridan!" Man, her tone was annoying. She seemed too happy. Eridan nodded at her, a bit uncomfortable at being called by his first name. He didn't know what he was expecting, at the training academy, her rarely talked to anyone besides his instructors. Even his instructors hadn't referred to him by his name, but by his number on the list of students, 27303. He'd have to get used to talking to her, he supposed. You can't avoid the front desk lady.

She looked him up and down, her eyes straying to the purple streak in his hair. Eridan never really gave a shit about first impressions and it's not like purple in his hair in any way affected his capability in the field.

"Well follow me." She sighed. "Rox!" She shouted into the seemingly empty store. "I'm taking the new recruit downstairs to meet the techies! Run the store or a bit!"

Eridan saw a blonde pop out from one of the aisles. "No problem Janey." The blonde did a mock salute and 'Janey' smiled.

"Alright come on newbie, time for the baptism." Eridan had no idea what she was talking about but followed her none the less. She lead him back through the Employees Only door. To the left of the door labeled Storage there was a silver door with no handle. She punched in a code on a keypad mounted on the wall.

"All key codes will be listed in your debriefing packet in your office. For now, I'll take you to the basement to meet the techies and get your Quartermaster assignment." The silver door slid open to reveal an elevator. Once inside, she punched a different code into a keypad and the door slid closed. She turned back to Eridan. "Well you're talkative." Eridan continued to stay silent as the elevator lurched downwards. This girl seemed wholly unprofessional to Eridan. Not that he would ever tell her that. When the elevator stopped and the door slid open, Eridan was immediately assaulted with the scent or metal, light that was too bright, and the sound of heavy base. A tall, muscular man walked passed them, hardly noticing them with the pile of metal in his arms. A guy with obnoxious triangle sunglasses on, who was standing near the sound system, turned down the music, which caught the attention of everyone working. Eridan herd a rainbow of voices.

"Hey asshole, what gives?" Came from a guy coding on a computer.

"What's going on?" Came from a guy with welding goggles working on a robotic arm.

The man who had been carrying the pile of metal, dropped it into what Eridan assumed was a scrap pile. He turned toward the elevator, showing Eridan a pair of cracked, square sunglasses. "Jane. What brings you down here?"

"Oh great, hopefully this one will last longer than the last one." The man at the computer turned around, displaying a pair of sunglasses that had one red lens and one blue lens.

"Shut up Sollux! He just got here! I brought him down here to meet you guys because he has a job today!" From Jane.

Pointy shades dude walked over to where Eridan and Jane were standing. He was in a black tank top with an orange hat on it, a pair of grey jeans with grease stains and leather gloves. To Eridan, this guy looked like a major prick.

"Alright, we'll make this quick so we can get back to our project. I'm Dirk. Got any requests? Come to me. That idiot over there," He pointed to the guy on the computer, Sollux, Eridan remembered.

"Dick." Said Sollux.

"Is Sollux." Dirk pulled a wrench from his back pocked and threw it at the wall near Sollux. "Hey, asshole get back to work. That one," Dirk pointed at welding goggles, "Is Horuss. And that monster," He pointed to the guy by the scrap metal, "Is Equius."

Jane turned to Eridan. "Techies are the guys that make all the fancy spy toys and gadgets for us to use. All of our techies double over in some way. Dirk doubles over as a field agent. Equius, Horuss and Sollux double over as handlers. They work with agents in the field to make sure that our missions are clean and quiet." Eridan knew what handlers were, but he let her talk. She seemed a bit air headed.

"All right Jane, take this kid upstairs to meet whoever the hell else he has to meet and leave us to it." Said Dirk.

"Fine, fine." Jane huffed and ushered Eridan back into the elevator. Before the door slid all the way closed, Eridan heard the music being turned up again and the sound of a saw cutting through metal. She punched in another code and the elevator went up. When the door slid open once again, they were face to face with a wooden desk. Behind it was another girl with black hair and cat glasses. Her hair was longer than Jane's and her glasses were white. "Eridan, this is Aranea." Aranea didn't look up from whatever she was typing.

"Yeah Jane? What do you need?" Eridan noticed a flash of something on Jane's face. He could tell she didn't like Aranea. "Aranea this is Eridan, he's new today." Jane turned toward Eridan again. "Aranea is in charge of personnel. She's also a handler."

"Yeah, new guy, your office is the last door on the left in the hallway to your right." She jerked her chin in the direction he should go.

"Okay Eridan," Said Jane. "All the info you'll need will be in the envelope on your desk. So I'm going to head back to the store and let Roxy loose." Jane turned around and vanished into the elevator, leaving Eridan with Aranea.

"Alright, Meenah, I got the door open but you need to go now!" Eridan hadn't noticed the Bluetooth on her ear. There was a spider on it. "No, now Meenah, I don't care if he's seen you, you neeed to get in there. Good. Yes. Seven from the left. Alright the code is..." Eridan let her voice trail off behind him as he passed her and walked down the hallway.

The office that Eridan had been assigned had a desk, a desktop computer, two chairs in front of the desk and a manila file folder on the desk next to the keyboard. Jane was right about the file. It told him everything he needed to know about the building, including the elevator codes. It also told him that his handler was a man by the name of Sollux Captor. Joy. He'd have to go back to the basement to get his assignment. On his way out of his office, the name plate across the hall from him read Feferi Peixis.

As he passed Aranea, he tuned out her yelling and punched in the code to take him to the basement.


	2. Chapter 2

**second chapter up sooner than expected**

* * *

When the elevator slid to a halt and the door opened to reveal the shop, Eridan had expected it to be just as loud and annoying as it was earlier. When he stepped out, the shop was void of people.

"Asshat in the shop! Dirk! I'm occupied." Eridan heard from an open red door with a blue door frame on the wall to his right.

"Fuck! Sollux I'm busy too here! I can't leave this alone, It'll short circuit!" From another door, neighboring the red and blue one. This door, stained with grease and scarred with scratches in the metal.

"Shit! Fine." Sollux walked out, shoving a screwdriver in the back pocket of his jeans, wiping his hands on his black t-shirt. "This better be good. I have work to do." Sollux went to a towering tool storage mounted in the wall next too the saws and yanked it open, grabbing a wrench and shoving it into his back pocket next to the screwdriver.

Eridan hadn't moved but a few steps before Sollux turned around and noticed him.

"Oh it's you again. What do you want?" The day didn't seem real to Eridan. Maybe once he got his assignment, it might sink into his head that he'd get used to dealing with these people.

"I'm here for my assignment." Stated Eridan plainly.

"Aw, shit, man. Fine. Just, don't leave until FF gets back. I don't want to be responsible for two people out in the field while I'm knee deep in encrypted data from the 1980's." Eridan gave Sollux a quizzical look. "Right, right, new. Uh, FF is Feferi Peixes. I'm her handler too. Right now she's undercover in Syria."

Eridan knew better than to ask about things, so he kept silent and stood straight. Sollux scratched the back of his head.

"Files." Muttered Sollux. "Wait there." He disappeared back through the door he came out of. A minute later exactly, he came out with another manila file, which he then handed to Eridan. "Alright. file has all you need to know about your job. We'll be sending you to Ukraine to break into a terrorist operation and kill the leader. I want you to wait to leave until after Feferi's come back. Until then, you can talk to Aranea or Jane about keeping yourself busy. Now get the fuck upstairs, I have work to do." With that, Sollux waled back through the red and blue door and kicked it shut behind him.

With a sigh, Eridan headed back upstairs to drop the file off at his desk, along with the other one. Since Aranea was still busy hollering orders into her Bluetooth, Eridan went back to the ground floor to speak with Jane.

When the door slid open revealing the store, it was a flurry with people. Jane stationed at the customer service counter and Roxy dancing through the people like leaves on the wind, pointing out this and that, chatting up bargains and generally being an uplifting force to people's day. Or at least, that's what Eridan observed of her. He walked up to Jane, she eyed him curiously.

"What can i help you with, Eridan?" Still a bit uncomfortable at being called by his first name, he told her of his misadventures after she had left.

"So you're here to help us run things on the floor, huh?" Out of all the things that went through his mind that morning before he got there, he'd never would've imagine that he'd end up with a green polo, attempting to assist people. And never would he have imagined that people could be so utterly stupid.

Later in the evening, when there was no one left but them, Eridan ended up sitting on the counter with Jane and Roxy talking about training.

"So you were selected, yeah?" Roxy said, breaking out a flask, that Eridan assumed was hidden in her cleavage. Jane eyed the flask with distaste but said nothing about it. "Right Janey, we all get selected. From some sort of fucked up selection process. Then branded by the damn government with numbers. Our records are stamped by those numbers, you know? And the higher ups, that's how they keep track of us. Don't even use our fuckin names." She put an arm around Eridan, offering him a drink from her flask. Eridan shook his hand in negative reply. He wasn't much of a drinker. "Suit yourself then." Said Roxy, taking a gulp and re-capping the flask. "What's your stamp then?"

To witch Eridan gracefully replied, "What?"

"What's your number, bozo?"

"Oh, 27303."

"Wow, Janey tell 'em!" Jane let out a sigh and pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose.

"My number was 2755."

"Right, right and my number was 91507." Roxy began swinging her legs. "Now that we're all intimate with our numbers, tell us about yourself, Erick."

"Eridan." Jane corrected her.

"Eridan." Roxy repeated, smiling at Jane.

"Like what?" Asked Eridan, thoroughly bored and picking at his nails.

"I dunno, like, girlfriends!" Roxy's voice danced when she spoke, the kind of voice you could listen to while she said anything about anything. Eridan supposed that's why he hadn't already left to go back up to his office yet. He gave her a look. She held up her hands. "Or boyfriends, I don't know your life."

"Roxy," Started Jane.

"What Jane, I'm only tryin' ta' have a little fun here. This guy is new meat, remember? I'm tryin' to get the grease!"Roxy replied.

"Nah, I ain't got nothin' back home waitin' for me. The way I see it, it's better that way." Eridan said to Roxy.

"Aw that's sad." Roxy let out a heaving sigh. "Jaaaaannnnneee." Roxy knocked her head against Jane's.

"Roxyyyyyy." Jane smiled. Roxy planted a quick kiss on Jane's lips. Somehow, Eridan wasn't surprised.

"So how's a come you're out here workin' with us and not on the assignment you were supposed to get today?" Roxy asked, turning back to Eridan.

"Sollux doesn't want to handle two agents in the field with all the work he just got." Jane replied for him.

"Oh so Sollux is your handler, eh?" She nudged Jane with her elbow. "Eeeh?" Jane rolled her eyes. "Say, why don't you come out with us tonight?" Added Roxy.

Eridan saw no reason to deny her request.

"Sure why not." Like the day could get any weirder.

"Alright! Someone who'll actually go drinking with me!" Exclaimed Roxy.

"I go drinking with you." Said Jane flatly.

"You don't _drink_." Replied Roxy.

"I drag you home all the time."

"Why I love you!"

"Damn straight."

"Never straight." Roxy booped Jane's nose.

Eridan cleared his throat.

"Right! Okay, just slip back into those fancy ass clothes you were in when you got here this morning and we'll take you to the best bar this side of the continent!" Roxy hopped off the counter and headed through the Employees Only door.

Jane smiled. "She's a hand full."

To which Eridan replied, "Yep."

"Well we better get going, she'll come back and get us if we don't" Said Jane with amusement.

When they had all regrouped, they headed out the front door just as the sun sank with it's last waves of red falling below the skyline. Jane locked the front doors and they were headed off.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks to all the reviews, got a new chapter up finally woo woo**

* * *

Eridan Ampora hadn't known what to expect, following the girls down the street, but it certainly wasn't following them back through a maze of back alleys to an unmarked door.

"This place is called Signless." Roxy whispered into his ear. She went up to the door and knocked a light rhythm with both of her hands.

The door opened to reveal a short, angry looking man with messy black hair. Once again, Eridan could feel bass resonating through his body. He wondered if it was something that he'd have to get used to. He wasn't sure he was okay with that.

"Jesus Roxy it's not even dark yet." Said the angry little man. _Troll._ Eridan thought.

"Aw, Karkey, but I have a virgin with me!" She fell dramatically on Jane, who rolled her eyes and smiled.

"Jesus fuck alright fine get your asses in here." The man stepped back and opened the door fully. Eridan was then exposed to the smoke and multi-colored lights of the club inside. "And don't ever call me Karkey again. It makes me want to lynch myself with my own intestines."

"Yeah, yeah," Roxy waved a hand at him and he shook his head. "Is Dave here tonight, _Karkat_?" She said with a hard T at the end of his name.

"Yeah that asshat will be up at the tales in less than an hour." Karkat shut the door behind them. "So are you gonna give a name to this prick or what?" Said Karkat, gesturing at Eridan.

"Right. This is our new employee, Eridan. Eridan," She nodded at Karkat. "Karkat. Karkat," She nodded at Eridan. "Eridan."

"Great, our next pair of douche legs to get themselves sea worthy at Signless" Eridan didn't really appreciate the fact that Karkat was being so rude, but it just seemed like an aspect of his personality, so he would probably have to deal with it. He doubted that the evening could turn out any weirder.

Roxy sashayed off. To get some drinks, Eridan assumed.

"Got my table Karkat?" Asked Jane.

"Yeah, yeah, you got your fucking table. All you nerds have all your tables open all the damn time whenever you're not here. Dave keeps it that way for reasons unknown. Fucking reserved not open to the public tables in a secret fucking club like some stupid fucking conspiracy or some shit." Jane let out a small laugh.

"Take us there oh mighty door knight!" Jane leaned on him and held the back of her hand on her forehead, and with the other, she fanned herself.

"Oh my fucking god." Karkat walked on, ignoring Jane. He led them to a rounded booth that was just outside the dance floor.

All at once, Karkat left them at the table, Roxy returned with a tray of drinks and a blond guy wearing sunglasses heaved himself up from the dance floor and flopped over what appeared to be turntables.

"Alright I brought twelve tequila shots. Four for each of us." Eridan raised an eyebrow at her. "Sit down mister. And don't question the master of the drinks. I also have a surprise drink for all of us. See if you can guess what it is."

It was a Friday. He had nowhere to be tomorrow. So he figured, fuck it. He'd get hammered and see how the night went. He remembered the taste of tequila in the back of his throat. Then vodka. Then Bacardi. He remembered dancing and he remembered lips on his. He remembered stripping like he had never stripped in his life.

Then, everything went dark.

* * *

Sollux Captor had had a long week. His best friend was across the world and kept little contact with him. Undercover missions like the one she had take time and a lot of skill. He couldn't contact her unless she contacted him first. Being knee deep in decrypting old files was a lot of work though. With all the external hard drives as work, he really didn't want his new assignment to arrive today. But he did. Sollux didn't really get a good look at him, he was too busy getting work done to worry about the new guy. Sollux was sure he got all the info he needed. Sollux would be glad to not have to see him again until after Feferi got back. Suddenly, the day was over, the sun was setting, and Drik was in Sollux's office.

"How much more do you have left to do?" Asked Dirk, leaning on the door frame.

"A shit ton." Sollux replied.

"It's Friday, dickwad."

"Yeah, so?"

"So let's go get hammered. I'm supposed to meet Roxy, Jane and Jake at Signless tonight." Dirk said, looking up at the ceiling.

"So take the strong brothers." Sollux retorted.

"They already left, and you could use a break." Seeing Karkat might do him some good. They had always been friends and Karkat had helped him through some hard times back in college.

"How sweet."

"No problem honey, I take pride in the care I take of my wives."

"Oh my god, princess, shit your yammering trap. I'll meet you outside in ten minutes."

"I await your return to the outside world." Came from the shop as Dirk disappeared.

Sollux started shutting down his system, and threw away the trash on his desk. He flipped off the lights to his office and shut down the shop. As he went up in the elevator, he tried to remember what the new guy had looked like. His name was Ampora. And he seemed like a pretentious douche.

The store was shut down as well. The only person likely to still be in the building now was Aranea. Sollux didn't know or care a lot about Aranea. And personally he didn't like her all that much. He went out the back, since the sliding doors were locked. He found Dirk leaning against the brick across form the back door.

"Alright, let's go."

* * *

The drinks had lowered his stress level. And seeing Karkat for the first time in moths outside of chatting online was refreshing. But as he sat at the table, drinking with Jane, Roxy, Dirk and Jake, he felt like he was intruding. Roxy got up to go to the dance floor and Sollux's eyes started to wander.

He noticed someone on the dance floor dancing. Someone hot. Someone who had walked into his shop today with a purple streak in his hair. The colored hair was a ballsy move. Sollux would give him that. For their line of work. Sollux wondered what had been his specialty in training.

But hot damn could he dance. In the corner of his eye, Sollux noticed Dirk and Jake making out. He found that he didn't give a shit. He was too preoccupied with watching this guy dance. What was his name? Ampora? That was his last name. First name? Eridan. Oh, the things Eridan was doing. Oh yeah, he could work with that.

Dirk must've noticed his staring.

"Listen, we're gonna split. Good luck getting that tonight." Dirk nodded towards the dance floor.

"Fuck off." Sollux replied.

"I intended to." Retorted Dirk, getting up and dragging Jake towards the door.

Sollux din't know where Jane had gone but he couldn't find Roxy on the dance floor, so he assumed they were gone as well.

Sollux knew he couldn't dance, so getting up and joining Eridan on the dance floor seemed hopeless. He downed the rest of whatever the bottle that Roxy ordered when he got here and waited for Eridan to exhaust himself dancing.

* * *

Dave hopped back over the turntables and walked to the table. He slid in next to Sollux.

"Where you been? Haven't seen you in forever."

"Busy as shit Dave, where do you think I've been?"

Dave raised his arms in surrender. "Hey man, just wondering. It's been ages since I've seen you in here."

"Yeah well if that's-" Sollux pointed to Eridan, still dancing, on the dance floor. How could he still be dancing? "-going to become a regular thing, I might become a regular thing too."

"Ah, I see. Well, I hope you get lucky tonight then." Dave got up. "I'm heading upstairs though. Got some business, to take care of." Dave nodded at Sollux before heading off."

Eridan had finally returned to the table. He seemed to not care about the absence of people that he came here with. Sollux now realized that they had left him responsible for Eridan. Yet, he couldn't bring himself to be angry about it. He'd make sure Eridan got home. Or, well, maybe he'd get home with Sollux.

"When did you get here?" Eridan stated. He leaned over the table. His breath smelled like some sort of fruity drink. Sollux wanted to taste it.

"Where'd you learn how to dance like that?" Eridan's eyes seemed a dark purple in the light. Sollux loved it.

"Natural born talent." Eridan smirked.

"You'll have to teach me then." Sollux replied, getting closer to Eridan's face.

"How about you come back with me and I will." Sollux leaned into Eridan's mouth. He tasted like fruit and rum. Eridan slipped his tongue into Sollux's mouth and lowered himself onto Sollux's lap.

Sollux didn't know how long they sat there for, but he started to get really into it. They needed to get out of this place. Sollux needed Eridan as soon as possible. Ripping his mouth away from Eridan's neck, he managed to get out the words "We should leave."

"Mmm, yeah." Came Eridan's response.

"Let's go, come on."

Eridan got up off of Sollux, grabbing his hand and leading him out of the club back into the alleyways. Once they were outside, the chill of the night air biting into Sollux's skin did little more than make him more exited.

Eridan shoved Sollux against the bricks, attacking his jawline and neck with kisses.

"Eridan," A gasp. "We have to make it back."

"Right. Right." Eridan took his hand and allowed Sollux to lead him through the alleys and to an apartment building. Once they were through the lobby and in the elevator, they were on each other again.

* * *

**Next chapter will be only the smut huzzah!**


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